My grief is different.
I was at the cemetery last week. It had been a while. My dad’s flag needed straightening. Mom’s grave needs some flowers, but I didn’t have any. The lichen on both stones will have to do for now. But the lichen gave me pause as it registered that the stones didn’t look as new as they used to. It has been some time. Sigh~.
So that’s my thing. I check in and have a few words, or no words, and carry on. My sister’s there too so I say hello and apologize for chasing her around the house with a live lobster and then go about my day.
That’s not for everyone. Your grief is different from mine. Some folks visit, and some never do. The paths of grief are as different as the people traveling them. Likewise, the pathways to grief healing are all different. Rightfully so. I’m long along in my grief journey and it has had a life of its own. I miss my mom, my dad, and my sister. I don’t see that ever-changing. What has changed is where my grief is in my life, compared to when it was new, the frequency, the intensity, the response. I’m not a grief support professional, but I reckon this is something we do have in common as time passes. But in the beginning, it’s so damned heavy.
It’s hard. You can insert your favorite platitude here but the fact is, as you probably already know, words mean a little, but not much. The truth is, you’re probably going to hurt for a while. 
Now what? This is natural. Be gentle with yourself. That’s the end of my advice, but for 1 last thing, grieve well. It’s how I felt at every funeral since my losses, and hope that the people I love, who have recently lost someone, might not endure grief’s weight too long or too hard.
If you’ve ever been tumbled by an ocean wave and left to go where the wave takes you, you could say that’s a lot like grief and there’s not much control over the situation. You are in nature’s grip and will find your way to your feet as nature allows.
Grief is Different for Everyone
However, there are unhealthy side paths in some journeys. Getting stuck in grief is not uncommon. The use of substances to dull the pain is common, and getting caught up in abuse patterns may follow. Science and medicine are learning more about grief and where it may lead. As recently as 2022 the American Psychiatric Association designated “Prolonged Grieving Syndrome” as a disorder in which a person struggles significantly long after a loss. We still have a lot to learn about grief.
If things start to get too long, or too hard, or too much, know there’s support everywhere.
Support is Different
Grief is different, fortunately, there are many different types of support…
Grief Coach –
In the realm of life coaches these grief specialists walk alongside you in your journey as you navigate the valleys of grief and loss. A grief coach is a fairly new alternative to grief counselors. There are no licensing requirements or formal requirements to be a Grief Coach.
Grief Counselor –
A grief counselor is a healthcare professional certified by professional organizations such as the AHICP. Per the AHICP website, “The grief counselor helps people come to grips with loss and adapt to the new norm.” A minimum level of education and completion of a Grief Counseling Certification program is required for certification. The licensing of Grief counselors is on a state-by-state basis.
Support Groups
Local support groups are everywhere. Funeral Homes are good resources to find them, as well as hospitals and local houses of worship.
Find Grief Support: Estate Service Provider Directory
On-line Grief Support
Daily Strength Support Groups: Bereavement Support Group
Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center: Last Friday of EVERY month; 10:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.; LIVE via ZOOM – Meeting ID: 819 5030 3034, Password: 567892
Grieving.com on-line forums: Loss of a Parent (Mother or Father)
Read More:
What’s Your Grief – Grief Support for the rest of us.
Estate Talks: Grief Support – What to Expect
Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center