Executor Grief | 4-minute read
Estate Talks | Grief Support  | Lorri Opitz

Main Link: Estate Talks Podcast: Grief Support – What to Expect

Everyone walks away from the funeral with their grief.  Executors walk away with their grief and a giant to-do list.

Executorium Publisher, George Compton discusses what grief support looks like with Lorri Opitz, the Director of Bereavement of the Joseph T Quinlan Bereavement Center.  Quite possibly the loss has affected you in unanticipated ways.  We take a look at grief and what grief support may offer. Understanding grief’s dynamics and how it affects you may help.  It’s hard enough being an executor. It can be very solitary, with a lot on your shoulders.  Awareness of what grief support looks and feels like may take the stigma out of it so you can heal, and not make your executor job harder than it needs to be.

This episode of Executorium’s Estate Talks was broadcast on Wednesday, December 27, 2023.

Subscribe to Executorium’s Channel featuring Estate Talks, HERE.

The following transcript has been edited for readability.

EX:  Today our guest is Lorri Opitz, Director of Bereavement at Joseph T Quinlan Bereavement Center.

EX: Just, what does it look like – “grief support”?

LO: It looks like having a little bit of courage to come in and talk about what you’re feeling and thinking and going through. It’s just having a conversation with a person who’s well-versed in grief.  It can be in person, it can be on the phone, it can be a Zoom appointment. But, it’s like having a conversation with a trusted friend.

EX:  What could I expect?

LO: You can expect that you will be given education and an awareness of what is normal in grief and that what you’re going through is typical. Grief mimics insanity, and a lot of people who are grieving feel like they are not on top of their game they’re “losing their marbles” and they can’t focus or complete tasks or concentrate. They have a high irritability level towards other people. So to come in and talk to someone who can tell them that, “this is this is normal in grief” and there are ways that you can help yourself to deal with this process.

EX: Well I can certainly relate. The world changes, the ground shifts under you. That makes this job twice if not 10 times harder.

LO: Absolutely and you’re not alone in that – feeling that way. That is how people experience grief, that the world changes. Life as they knew it has ended, and then they’re being asked to handle tasks that are not “user friendly” that are foreign to them.  [But] they’re just trying to get a handle on how they’re feeling physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally/ behaviorally. It’s a lot to ask of a person.

Non-judgment. Non-critical. Plenty of time and opportunity to share the deep dark secrets of your soul in a safe place, and we need to do that.

It affects us even physically. If we don’t clear out all those feelings and those thoughts and it can affect [us].  Headaches – it can give us headaches. It can give us panic or anxiety. It can cause bowel problems. And to then be dealing with physical issues, because grief is a stressor, a long-term stressor, and we know how damaging long-term stress can be on our physical selves, along with our mental health and emotional health and concentration. So, grief support is critical, especially when we have an important job to do.

As you journey on through the process – how to continue to honor and remember that person after your job as executor is done. That there is life after the loss of a loved one. That we can create a life that brings us meaning and pleasure again, in spite of our grief.

Every last Friday of the month. Every last Friday of the month is an online support group at the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center and you can find that online through looking up the Karen Ann Quinlan Hospice website.

There are also Zoom and phone consultations available as well, as live consultations [through the Joseph Quinlan Bereavement Center].

I encourage anyone to take a look at those, and take care of yourself so you can take care of business as an executor. [And move forward!]

Anything else to add Lorri? I’m very glad you came on and thank you for this primer on grief support it’s such an important topic.

LO: I appreciate the opportunity. Just to anyone who’s grieving that, we can heal. There is meaning and pleasure again. And, you just have to trust yourself, and trust the process, and not be afraid of feeling the tough feelings, but feel the feelings and offer them release, is how we help ourselves heal.

There is healing to be had. That is the main message.

EX: Thank you very much Lorri I appreciate you for coming on to Estate Talks, and thank you very much for watching.

Lorri Opitz

Bio

Lorri Opitz is the Director of Bereavement at the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center.  She has been a counselor at the Center for over 25 years.  Lorri is experienced in working with children, teens, and adults.  Throughout her time at the Bereavement Center Lorri has been a guest speaker at churches, hospitals, and schools within the community.

Lorri facilitates the Joseph T. Quinlan Bereavement Center’s Sussex County support groups on the first and third Wednesday of the month as well as the Newton High School support group.

Lorri graduated with an M.A. in Counseling from Montclair State University. She is married with four children and two granddaughters.

 

Disclaimer:  The opinions of Executorium’s Estate Talks hosts and Estate Talks guests are not necessarily the opinion of Executorium.com LLC, its principals, or its employees.