Sometimes you know it’s coming; you may not always be ready. Other times it comes like a bolt out of the blue—POOF! You’re an executor. Sorrow, grief, overwhelming sadness take control—the bottom drops out, but there’s work to do. We often say that everyone walks away from the gravesite with a sadness, heaviness, loss. Executors walk away from the grave with all that, and a briefcase. It’s a metaphor.

Another metaphor is: The new guy (or girl!) on the job doesn’t know the ropes. They doesn’t know the environment, they doesn’t know the players. The new guy/girl doesn’t even really know the rules, or how the game is played. They have to wade in, not knowing, and try to do their best. You may be here.

Recognize you don’t have all the answers, and you’re seeing your way.

With that in mind, here are some things that we wish we had known before, “Poof! We became executors.”  They might help attenuate some of the difficulties along the Executor Road.

Awareness of the New Situation and New Environment

One of the first things an executor can do is get comfortable with this state of ignorance. One of the challenges of being an executor is bumping your way through new task after new task only to reach the conclusion of the estate administration and surmise, “Now I’d know how to do this executor thing.” It’s one of the unspoken ironies of the job.

• Executorium.com is built with this purpose: Be a Resource for Executors.  That means, provide awareness of the resources, present executor learning opportunities, share the experience.  Give the executor the best change of success by putting information on their radar.
      Please take a look around the site. It is designed to help novice executor see the estate landscape.  After all, they are new to this.
• Awareness of the professional services that are available is helpful. The environment is new, you may not be aware of all the resources, professional or otherwise, that are out there. One of the main reasons Executorium was created, was to accelerate an executor’s awareness of the professional services available to help you with the estate.
       – A Guide to Professional Services and Resources Available to Estates
       – Estate Service Providers Directory

Take Care of Yourself

• Everyone is different, every estate is different, so your experience will be different. Some estates are worse than others, more complicated, more emotional. The important part is to keep moving forward. Executorium’s logo represents this with its forward arrow.
• Another aspect of Executorium’s logo is, it’s the house turned over. This is a nod to, things are different now, don’t expect them to be the same. Relationships may be different, even strained, and people who, as like you, have just suffered a loss may not be acting quite the same. While maintaining your own self-care, as much as possible, adjust to these changing dynamics. Your agility in this matter, aspect of estate administration, will help your peace of mind.
• Speaking of peace of mind: Self-care. Take care of yourself. We put a priority on grief support; it weaves throughout every corner of Executorium.com.  Having a support circle, inside and outside of the estate administration context, is important.
  – Grief Counselor or Grief Coach? What are the Differences?
  – Estate Talks: Grief Support – What to Expect
• Have a few allies that you can rely on for a quick phone call, a quick bite, or a glass of wine, if that’s your thing. Emotional support during this time is essential, period. Executors get leaned on pretty hard, you’ll need some good friends that you can lean on.
  – The Connection Between Grief & Substance Abuse
• Don’t let perfection get in the way of good. Satisfying the probate requirements and the fiduciary responsibilities are paramount. But perfection in the execution of your duties is a high standard. Do be gentle with yourself in this difficult task. Allow for some respite. Don’t forget to breathe.
• You don’t have to do this alone. If you have friends, family (that won’t drive you crazy), they can take tasks from your desk in the name of moving the estate forward; take advantage. Clean out, organization, distribution, photo care, legacy care are all things that take time. And if you have a trusted helper, they are worth their weight in gold.

TCoB – Taking Care of (Estate) Business

• Per our article, “Running a State Administration Like a Business,” there is a job to do. Treating it like a job, or big project, with a project management mindset, can help maintain even progress towards the goal, the settlement of the state. Please always keep this in mind.
• A good attorney can be very helpful. While not essential, it is advised in order to assure compliance of the requirements of probate, and your fiduciary responsibilities, as well as to understand the environment and the work associated with managing an estate.  If your attorney isn’t doing that, get a new attorney.
       – Find and Vet a Great Estate Attorney
• Be aware of the Estate Administration Service Providers or After Loss Professionals who help executors with estates.  Its a thing! These folks help an executor through estate administration, know the ropes, have experience and familiarity with the scope of executor challenges. Their project management approach helps provide structure to estate administration.  They often work with a network of professionals, Realtors, Estate Sales/Auctioneers, Cleanout pros, attorney’s, accountants, etc, they have a relationship with and that brings accountability.  Local Estate Administration Services Professionals will have a familiarity with the probate Court and its personal.  Also important – they very often have the soft touch necessary to coach you through. While they cannot provide legal advice, they can “sherpa‘ you through the estate admiration journey.
  – The Emergence of the Estate Administration Services Profession
  – Estate Talks Podcast: 3 Things an Executor Should Know Day 1 (Our Interview with PALS (Professionals of After-Loss Services CEO Jasmine Hathaway)
• Be aware of the specialization of Probate Real Estate Professionals.  There are several certifications that help Realtors®  build specialization of probate property sales.  As such they are focused on the unique aspects of probate real property.  Often they have a network of vetted professionals, Estate Sales/Auctioneers, Cleanout pros, attorney’s, accountants, etc, they work with and have experience with.  They often take on tasks as a part of their services and have a familiarity with the dynamics of the sale of a property following a loss.
       – Estate Talks: What is a Certified Probate Expert?
       – Estate Talks: A Certified Probate Expert knows the Probate Ropes

Awareness of Resources

• Got Photos, Documents, Family Legacy materials/media?  Be aware of The Photo Managers.  A burgeoning industry of professionals ready for your slides, VHS, photos, media, etc. They can make sense and organize that box or boxes staring at you from the corner.  Got siblings?  How do you divide and distribute a photo? The Photo Managers.
  – Estate Talks: Family Legacy: Photo Management
• Get Familiar with the tools that can help. Technology has made huge strides in the last ten years in regards to state administration. Software like Notify Now, HelloSunset, EstateExec, Artifcts, and of course, Chat GPT, and Google Lens are all things that can help lighten the load. HelpTexts, a text grief support tool, provides periodic check-ins, tips, and care.  Work smarter, not harder. Awareness of these tools is one of executorium’s key goals. We strive to put these helpful tools on your radar to save you as much pain and struggle as possible.
  – Estate Talks: Executor Tools: Artifcts® for Estate Cleanout, Distribution and Legacy
       – What is The Estate Registry?
       – Sunset: A Tool to Help Find Decedent Accounts

No doubt this is a difficult task at a difficult time. We created Executorium.com to help navigate state administration and give you, the executor, the best chance of success. We define success as the marshalling of the estate successfully through probate and estate administration, maintaining relationships, and emerging from this experience a healthy executor at the end of it all. Likely a very relieved executor.

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