Estate mediation may offer an alternative to costly litigation, decreased inheritances, and loss of relationships.  With Estate ADR (Alternate Dispute Resolution) a good neutral, or mediator, will allow all parties to speak their piece.  By contrast, a trip, or trips to court can be expensive and leave all parties feeling powerless to affect the outcome.  Furthermore, the justice you seek is rarely the outcome you find.

You’re in the back seat of the family car.  Mom and Dad up front.  Your brother just took your GI Joe and you’re done.  At breakfast he ate your bacon while you were in the bathroom and thought it was funny.  He’s a pain in the butt.  The only thing holding you back is your baby sister asleep between you and potential consequences from the front seat.  But you’re right.  He’s wrong, and you’re tired of his crap…

40 years later you’re a beneficiary of mom’s and dad’s estate along with your 5 siblings.  You get along with your older brother now, but your sister doesn’t, and the 3 youngest have their own dynamics, and spouses.  It’s a bit more complicated.  Plus, the estate attorney just notified everyone of a letter received from your little brother’s attorney.  Things are getting dicey.  Feels like the back seat of the car again, but Mom and Dad aren’t in the front anymore. No one’s driving, and you’re careening toward a cliff.

Litigation Cliff

Before you know it, the attorney letters are flying at-a-cost of $350-$500/hour. Motions and filings start to mount up.  Then more attorney letters and filings about who’s paying for the attorney letters, motions and filings, and the estate attorney bill grows and grows.  Less inheritance $$$ for everyone.  It’s a big fat Gordian knot no one seems able or willing to unravel.

When an estate has issues it is unable to reconcile, a judge may order mediation.  In some states and jurisdictions, it may be that mediation is required before the estate can proceed with litigation proceedings.  By the time that court-ordered mediation is required, positions may be deeply entrenched and more difficult to work through.

Of course, there is the option of the heirs saying,

“You know, this is stupid.  Attorney’s fees are chipping away at the estate.  Everyone’s getting angrier.  Relationships are suffering.  Let’s find a Neutral and mediate.“

You don’t have to wait for the court.

What is Mediation?

Mediation is a form of Alternate Dispute Resolution where parties voluntarily agree to meet with a mediator, or “Neutral” for the purpose of reaching an agreement on disputed matters.  Mediation is voluntary, so there is no pressure or mandate to agree.

If parties don’t come to an agreement, the likely result is they are back where they started, minus the costs of the mediation.

One can conjure the costs of ongoing litigation compared to the costs of mediation.

 

Alternate Dispute Resolution

 

Potential costs of litigation may sway sides to consider an alternate way.  Also, factor in what taking it to court may do to the family whole.  You’re likely not going to get the satisfaction you’re seeking.  Litigation is a gut-wrenching experience and wreaks havoc on families.

You may be under the impression that litigation is an event.  It is not.  It is a process.  Civil litigation is a process of claims and counter-claims, filings and delays, tactics and gamesmanship.  Just when you think you’re close, you’re not.  “Well, we’re going to court today to get this settled.”  Sorry, but, “LOL.” Not bloody likely!

You’re more likely to walk out of the courtroom with less control, relationships a bit more damaged, and you a bit more aggrieved.  What’s 6 hours x $500? Plus travel time?  Not to mention prep and follow-up hours?

Alternatively, you can all sit down, get a little uncomfortable, concede this and that, accept this and that in return, and be heard.  The best mediators make sure all voices are heard.

It may seem hard.

Choose your hard.

 

What’s also at stake?

How weird is it going to get?  You may have conceded that the relationship with your sibling may have already sailed irretrievably over the edge, we hope not.  But what about the next generation?  What about the cousins?  What about the family as a whole moving ahead?  Estate disputes have a nasty way of damaging family ties irreparably.

Let’s just say it…

The estate settlement phase is a difficult time for a family and individuals.   The family is inexorably changed.  The context is new, there’s a void, and everyone is grieving, albeit in different ways.  We’re simply not at our best.

As a family reconvenes to sort out the estate, individual expectations are in play, hardwired relationship dynamics reprise, and it’s emotional.  Even the healthiest relationships can be tested under these circumstances.

Conclusion

The fantasy of the judge banging the gavel and pronouncing that you were right all along, your brother is an idiot, and the redemption you seek for everything from the bacon to the recent disruption in your life isn’t coming.

Also, attorneys are not going to say, “Have you considered mediation?  All these billable hours are getting out of hand.“

Put another way, righteous indignation is a big expense.

But you’re right, your spoiled little brother is wrong, and you’re tired of his crap.

 

Read Also:

Mediation: How to Resolve Estate Disputes Effectively & Efficiently – Guest Blog by Ana Sambold, esq.

California Lawyers Association – Trusts & Estates: Podcast: Trust Me: The Magic of the Trust and Estate Mediation Process

Grief or Greed? When Families Fight Over Material Possessions